Comments on: Coaching: More On Liking People

By: William Pietri

William Pietri — Sun, 27 Sep 2009 00:49:57 +0000

We clearly need a club for shy people that nobody believes are shy; I get that all the time. The best part is that we don’t actually have to have meetings.

By: Lisa Crispin

Lisa Crispin — Sat, 26 Sep 2009 22:19:25 +0000

This resonates with me also. Nobody believes that I’m terribly shy and introverted, but it is true. For example, it’s very hard to make myself call people on the phone. But, I’ve worked on my extrovert skills so that I can teach and do presentations and mentor people. And meet great new people from whom I learn so much. Mostly I like to lead by doing, draw the good ideas out of people and spread them around.
I’m fairly geeky for a tester but I wouldn’t try to, say, coach a development team in doing TDD at the unit test level. I know it’s a good practice, but if I can’t do it myself, I don’t have the credibility.

By: GeePawHill

GeePawHill — Sat, 26 Sep 2009 21:55:31 +0000

Abby…

I cringed when I typed “geek-penis-length-check”. But every alternative phraseology seemed too weak. You know more than I, the geek world is full of this kind of crap.

Anyway, I agree, believing the team has the answers is the real deal. Actually empowering actual teams to decide for themselves is fundamental to success, but terrifying to coaches who ‘know better’. Pretend empowerment is even worse than the usual ass-hattery.

GeePaw

By: abby, the hacker chick blog

abby, the hacker chick blog — Sat, 26 Sep 2009 21:26:32 +0000

Doh! I missed the Like People post the first time around so just caught now and have to say I agree with that concept.

And, while I’ve never personally had to undergo a geek-penis-length-check (phew!) I can see where people who think they know all the right answers might think that makes them a good coach, when of course, someone who thinks the TEAM has the right answers will make the much better coach….

By: GeePawHill

GeePawHill — Sat, 26 Sep 2009 18:11:36 +0000

So we’re already effing out the charisma-word. Cool. That was easier than I thought it would be. Thanks for the input, George!

By: GeePawHill

GeePawHill — Sat, 26 Sep 2009 18:10:05 +0000

Two good points. Yes, maybe the biggest reasons another person likes you is because you clearly like her. Advice to remember. And yes, again, passion is tremendously compelling. I am fascinated by the phenomenon of geek joy, and I wonder if it isn’t passion in another guise.

By: George Dinwiddie

George Dinwiddie — Sat, 26 Sep 2009 14:47:26 +0000

Sebastian,

You’re right that it helps if people like you, too. You can’t make people like you, though. You can, however, act in ways that people like. And I think that if you like people, and you know how to act in such ways, you will do so because you like them. So, it works out.

An example: I just wrote a post on listening to people (http://blog.gdinwiddie.com/2009/09/25/dont-worry-about-that/). Learning how to listen to people, and how to remember to listen to people, is an important skill for a coach. Listening to people because you want to manipulate them, though, isn’t very good for coaching. I think you’ll find it backfires.

Listening to people because you like them and want to understand their concerns is something that helps coaching a great deal. At the same time, people like for someone else to listen to them and pay attention to their concerns. It leads to the trust and other benefits that you describe.

Is that “just charisma?”

By: William Pietri

William Pietri — Sat, 26 Sep 2009 08:47:49 +0000

Great post. As an extremely gregarious introvert, your position makes total sense to me.

Regarding charisma: It’s always much easier to like someone who likes you, so I think being liked and being likable are definitely related. In addition to loving people, loving what you do helps a lot. Passion is always compelling.

By: GeePawHill

GeePawHill — Thu, 24 Sep 2009 18:03:29 +0000

Wow, you said a mouthful, there. It does seem like charisma is king. The problem with ‘charisma’ is that it is held to be ineffable. I think — only think, mind you — that a great deal of what we mean by that word can be defined, or at least grokked without words. On my way to doing this I also want to explore and revitalize the geek joy that brought so many of us here in the first place. Of course, I prolly won’t be able to bring this off, in which case, I’m eff’ed.

By: Sebastian Hermida

Sebastian Hermida — Thu, 24 Sep 2009 01:07:33 +0000

To build on top of your last sentence: “…you’re gonna have to like people.” I like to add “…and you are gonna have be liked as well.”

Coaching seems so much easier when people like you.

And usually when they like you, they trust you. It becomes easier to introduce change and coach. People are willing to try new things.

As you said, knowing how geeks feel and think matters a lot. And if you top that with being approachable, responsive, good listener, you can really make a change.

I don’t want to say charisma matters, but I think it does.

But it’s *not* “just” charisma that matters.

(I had to use “just” one more time to give you another excuse to write that “just” article